ON READ
I turned on my read receipts
So you wouldn't feel anxious
I never told you,
but I guess you'll see now
On these pages.
The thought of you fearful
Unsettled me
What a turn of events
Butterflies with teeth
Because I want them to run
I want them to surrender
But the thought of you unhappy,
Made me want to be better
I'm sure it looks like nothing
Or some half-hearted
Modern-day gesture
How can I explain,
giving nothing is typically
my go-to character.
As I sat on your couch
In your thick green sweater
I jolted at the thought
"maybe he matters"
SEASONAL AFFECTION
I have the craving
To possess you
For a thorough deep cleaning
Go through the hallways
Look under all the tables
See yourself as I see you
The shelf: "self perception"
just mislabeled
Organize the drawers
Clean out all the closets
I'm not so easily scared,
Don't worry about it
A good spring cleaning
May not be enough
Maybe I need to make room
For all of this love
Maybe I'll stay too long
And spring becomes winter
Maybe you'll be tired
And the wine's gone bitter
Maybe you'll want me to stay
Just while the trees lose their color
White cable knits and down covers
Maybe we'll lose track of time
Staying in one another
Perhaps we'll stay,
Winter to summer
GROWING PAINS
You don't have to earn
Love
But you sure as fuck
Have to water it
You don't have to be afraid of
Me
But you sure as fuck
Have to tend to me
Even if you scatter all your seeds,
Growth is the weeding on dirty knees.
Baby boy,
A garden still has needs.
BAD THOUGHTS
I knew I was
No good for you
When I realized
I would rather your overthinking
Than your ease
Because if you're thinking
At least it's about me.
E. Perez